Having healthy boundaries in place can prompt a sigh of relief, especially when they were desperately needed, but the work does not stop with initiating boundaries. Instead, it is an on-going process to maintain what was enacted. Otherwise, the relief can be fleeting as we find ourselves right back where we were when we felt the urgency to set the boundaries.

Reasons for On-Going Work

A good starting point is to understand why it is not easy and automatic to have everything align with intentions upon putting boundaries in place. The following are a sampling of potential challenges:

• Guilt: If we say that we are not going to fulfill a certain role or complete a task, there will be others who either receive pressure or feel compelled to do the work. We might feel bad that the cost of our own healthy boundaries means that another might have a less than ideal workload.

• Attachment: If we have invested countless hours into a project but then determine to set a boundary, rather than continuing to invest at the same level (or at all), it can be hard to let go. It can be a great temptation to re-engage - either by fully jumping back in where we left off or by taking small steps over time that eventually lead back to the original level of investment.

• Perceptions of Others: When we choose to set boundaries, not everyone will be happy about it. Our choice can stir up a lot of emotions in others, including: anger, frustration, jealousy, and bitterness - all of which can be challenging for us as we become aware of their perceptions. Sometimes it is even just the fear of the potential perceptions, while other times people will explicitly express how they are feeling. It feels so much more comfortable to be the recipient of others' gratitude and admiration, so we might find ourselves choosing to agree to requests.

• Pride: Along the same lines, sometimes setting boundaries requires choosing to not continue working on a project that is or is going to be "the next big thing." We can recognize when our projects are receiving a lot of attention and viewed as being successful and valuable. Transitioning out from those roles means that someone else is stepping in (if the work is to continue), which means that they will be the one in the spotlight. We might feel the ache of losing that sense of admiration.

• Identity: It is very common to have our worth get tied up in our work - how we are performing, what we are producing - the visible fruits of our labors. If we have mistakenly placed our identity in anything other than grounding and rooting our identity in the Lord, making a shift for the sake of sustainability can feel like the right choice, while at the same time feeling devastating. Sometimes we can't even fully grasp why it feels so hard.

What Can Be Done

After gaining a better understanding of the reasons, it is beneficial to remember the capacity to enact positive change, even when there are challenges along the way. The following are beneficial mindsets and strategies to acknowledge the tensions and then remain resolute in our decisions:

• Responsibility: Our own boundaries are our responsibilities. Other adults' boundaries are their responsibilities. It can be so challenging to remember this and to have it really sink in. When we see other people in distress - especially when we recognize that they seem to be feeling as we were when it seemed urgent that we set boundaries, it is natural to desire to alleviate their stress. If we experience the relief on the other side of setting boundaries, we want them to as well. Nonetheless, we cannot make the choices for them. They have to want the changes and be willing to enact the changes. We can support and encourage them, but then we need to respect that they are an adult with capacity to make their own choices.

• Space for Healing: Most of the challenges that emerge point towards areas in need of healing. Rather than simply grieve, we can also receive with gratitude the ways in which He wants to heal our identity, affirm our inherent dignity and worth, or increase our virtue. When it comes to wanting others to also experience the healing, we can have empathy and understanding that the choices they are making might be related to developed coping mechanisms. They might not be ready to set boundaries in particular ways because it might not yet feel safe to do so. They might not have mechanisms in place to support the healing needed in order to navigate the discomfort of slowing down. Over time, through the mentorship of others, I have realized that this was definitely a factor at play for me helping me to be more sensitive to this being a potential factor for others.

• Accepting Differences: It can be hard to go from being aligned with colleagues related to level of ambition and drive but then intentionally choose to tone it down, while others continue to forge ahead. It is ok to realize that each person has their own specific life context, values, and goals. That means not everyone will make decisions in sync with each other indefinitely. We can allow space to grieve the shift but then move forward with confidence in what we are doing and why.

• Surrender: Though challenging at first, we can grow in our capacity to surrender the outcomes. We can communicate what our needs are but then surrender the consequences to the Lord. We can surrender whether someone is able to fill the vacancies that emerge because of our boundaries. We can surrender whether or not our replacement has the same vision. We can accept if the work is not able to continue - temporarily or permanently. We can surrender what other people think of us (hello, Litany of Humility).

• Momentum: Sometimes it can feel like if something is going to happen, we have to keep the momentum moving forward. In reality, sometimes He draws us towards a season of rest while He remains at work. With time, we can see how He creatively continued the process. At times, we are in awe with how the seemingly unrelated ways in which we found solace in rest have shaped us in ways that uniquely position us to serve within the types of projects and roles that we temporarily paused.

• Other Opportunities: Along the same lines, it can feel like if we are going to have a chance in a certain line of work that we must keep making progress with a solid and continuous trajectory of experience. Nonetheless, we can remind ourselves that sometimes boundaries are only needed temporarily. Just because working on a certain type of project is not sustainable in one season of life does not mean that it will always be the case. If we are competent and do a good job when we do invest, a lot of opportunities will come our way when we are ready (or eventually with some waiting). In the meantime, He is preparing and purifying us, a process that leads towards greater clarity of what the deepest desires of our heart are and how we were truly created to love and serve.

Learning to set and then maintain career boundaries is a process. It can be messy. We won't always do it perfectly. Nonetheless, through it all, He is loving us, teaching us, and guiding us. We can choose to trust in Him and request His help for our on-going growth in trust.